Evil Henchmen Interviews
by Anti-XYo
Summary: We Interviewed some of the best henchmen up for hire! Short, yet entertaining!


We tracked down some of the best evil henchpeople . . . All right so they're not the best and there are only eight. Maybe I'll interview some more if I get good reviews.  
  
Author: ProFool, with some help from HomeGrown.  
  
I don't own the characters that are obviously owned by someone else and I probably have a lower income than most crippled bats   
  
Interview # 1: Fidget the crippled bat from the great mouse detective.  
  
ProFool: So Fidget, you're a crippled bat who can't fly?  
  
Fidget: So? I still get around  
  
ProFool: And you have a peg leg  
  
Fidget: Your point? I've still managed to complete every mission successfully.  
  
ProFool: Now let's talk about your biggest issue, your height. I mean I'm short, but umm what can evil overlords do with a small crippled bat?  
  
Fidget: WHY YOU DIRTY LITTLE!! I'LL RIP YOUR THROAT OUT!!!!!  
  
ProFool: *Swats bat across the room* NEXT!  
  
Interview # 2: Iago the loud mouthed parrot from Aladdin.  
  
ProFool: Iago, throughout the three Aladdin movies you've switched sides quite a bit. Let's talk about that.  
  
Iago: I like to shop around, but usually I go for the more evil things.  
  
ProFool: If I am correct your last employer was the King of Thieves, Aladdin's father, apparently that didn't work out because you left him.   
  
Iago: It was the crackers! The god-forsaken crackers!!!  
  
ProFool: Riiiiiiiiggggghttttttt. Now if you want to hire Iago, remember not to give him crackers, please. NEXT!  
  
Interview # 3: Riff Raff the "HandyMan"  
  
ProFool: So Riff Raff, where's Magenta?  
  
Riff Raff: She was part of an unfortunate accident  
  
ProFool: Oh yea that's right you ki—*is glared at* Moving on, so you killed your last employer, Prince Frank.  
  
Riff Raff: I was born to lead not to follow.  
  
ProFool: Really, you don't say?  
  
Riff Raff: I was better at taking charge, then taking out the trash, but in the end I did end up taking out the trash.  
  
ProFool: If you want to hire the back stab—I mean HandyMan, feel free to do so. NEXT!  
  
Interview # 4: Pain and Panic, minions of the underworld reporting for duty.  
  
ProFool: So Pain, Panic, shouldn't you be in the underworld reporting for duty to Hades?  
  
Panic: Well you see, we got fired, literally.  
  
Pain: Yea, but he'll want us back, no doubt about it.  
  
ProFool: So have you ever succeeded?  
  
Panic: Yes! We've been successful in bondage.  
  
ProFool: *sweat drop and raised eyebrow* Bondage?   
  
Pain: Oh yea, we tied that flying pony up real good.  
  
Panic: And we did turn Jerkules mortal.  
  
ProFool: If you need some good bondage....agents, hire these two otherwise RUN! NEXT!  
  
Interview # 5: Kronk, Isma's lackey who likes pancakes  
  
ProFool: So Kronk, Isma did end up letting you go after 10 yrs. How does that make you feel?  
  
Kronk: Well I wasn't really that offended, in fact I was quite happy, it gave me more time to teach Squirrel Scouts.  
  
ProFool: *Sweat Drop*  
  
Kronk: The thing that offended me though was the fact that she didn't like my cooking.  
  
ProFool: So I hear you talk to yourself Kronk.  
  
Kronk: *talking to himself*  
  
ProFool: Kronk? KRONK? Ya know you're starting to make Riff Raff look good. Well ladies and gentlemen that's it for Kronk *kicks Kronk to the side* NEXT!  
  
Interview # 6: Banzi and Shenzi, Our ravenous friends from the Pride Lands  
  
ProFool: So, what happened to Ed?  
  
Shenzi: We ate him. HA!  
  
Banzi: He had more meat on his bones then I expected  
  
ProFool: *sweat drop* Moving on, what happened after you ate your last employer Scar?  
  
Shenzi: The usual we got chased out of the pride lands,  
  
Banzi: Ate Ed.  
  
ProFool: You're making Riff Raff look better and better. So do you think that you will end up eating your next employer like you did with Scar and Ed?  
  
Shenzi: Maybe  
  
Banzi: Yea!   
  
ProFool: Ummm, yea. NEXT!  
  
Interview # 7: Blix, the Brigand Goblin Hunter from Legends.  
  
ProFool: So tell me Blix, what did you do after the Lord of Darkness was...hurled....into.....Darkness?  
  
Blix: Its been tough, had to flee the fortress, I ditched that annoying British accented pork butt Pox, then took to the road again *voice off somewhere: On the road again!*   
  
ProFool: So you haven't found work since then?  
  
Blix: No, no, I worked as a car salesman, a pest control man and I even got my degree in Law School and worked as a lawyer for a while.  
  
ProFool: So that was you on Hades' speed dial?!  
  
Blix: One and the same, I've even handed out religious pamphlets.  
  
ProFool: *in awe* Now that's evil, let's have a round of applause. *applauding heard* Thank you Blix. NEXT!  
  
Interview # 8: The Final Interview, thank the gods! Lock Shock and Barrel. WHY ME???  
  
ProFool: So after the unfortunate demise of Oogie Boogie, what did you three do?  
  
Lock: Well after Oogie was defeated, Halloween town was a real bore.  
  
Shock: So we set out on our own to find a new evil master mind, to hench for.  
  
Barrel: You henchwench  
  
*The Three start to fight*  
  
ProFool: Well this could take a while. Oh look there goes Lock and Shock, so I guess this interview is over. Thank you for your time ladies and gentlemen. 


End file.
